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I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
Netflix is raising rates again? Man, whoever`s password I`m using has got to be pissed!
The final stage of adulthood is when you start saying, "Oooh, that breeze feels nice."
I give myself the best presents.
Thank goodness I`m loud and obnoxious all the time, so my family can`t blame it on the alcohol.
When you screw up, menopause can be a wonderful excuse for stupid things you do or say!!!
my Dr. says i have ADHD, i dont know how they see.... oooooh a squirrel!
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas...
Remember waffles are just pancakes ribbed for your pleasure
I haven`t crunched all the numbers, but early calculations show that a large percentage of people don`t care what you think.
There’s no worse feeling than realizing your wife has fallen asleep & you’ve spent the last 20 minutes watching Real Housewives by yourself.
What’s a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
Santa gets all the credit and I get all the debt.
New rule: advertisements can no longer use adjectives. I`ll decide what is "fresh" and "natural" and "like a real girl" thank you very much.