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Life is beautiful ...... but Monday`s suck all the way around.
*wants to travel the world but has like 3 dollars*
I have cat-like reflexes. If I hear a loud noise, I keep napping.
Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook.
"Okay" means you`re in the clear. "K" means you`re better off not coming home. Fellas, you know what I`m talking about.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,400 hours. Roughly the same as one Monday on earth feels.
Seagull Manager; Someone who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everyone and then leaves.
Shall I compare thee to a Summer`s Eve? For thou art a douche.
If I had three wishes, I`d use one for boobs. Because I`m pretty sure I could get everything else that I wanted if I had boobs.
Is the "D" in Donkey Kong a typo? It should have been Monkey Kong right? These are the things that keep me up at night.
If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I`ve never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?
Kids today will never know the frustration of having to rewind their dads porn tapes to the exact same spot...
I just found my Christmas Spirit.... It`s been in aisle 6 at this liquor store the whole time!
My box of Animal Crackers said, "WARNING: Do Not Eat if Seal is Broken." I open the box, and sure enough...
Getting a text from someone when I`m trying to Facebook is the emotional equivalent to walking into a spider web.