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No one sees you when you`re kind, no one sees you when you do a nice thing, but all will see on you when you fart.
Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
Boss: Why aren`t you working? Me: I didn`t see you coming!
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
There’s a thin line between “I should do a status update about that” and “I should talk to a therapist about that”
Life was much easier when apples and blackberries were fruits&& not phones
Nothing says "party" like a red plastic cup.
My Girlfriend wanted a cat. I didn`t want a cat. So we compromised and we got a cat...
"Safely remove USB." Who does that?
My kids are always accusing me of having a "favorite child" which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
One day I hope to understand the phrase "more money, more problems"
Answering your cell when you don`t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.
She calls it cuddling. I call it strategic body placement for the war of the covers that is about to take place.
sleep is for people without netflix
I’m usually that person who has no idea what’s going on.