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If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
It`s not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick.
The awkward moment when you’re that one friend who always gives relationship advice but is still single.
What happened to all the Sour Patch parents?
I`m pretty sure my laundry breeds while I sleep.
"I don`t care if you think it sounds gross, that`s what we`re calling it" -Guy who named the sweater.
I`m as bored as a guy with no arms looking at porn.
“Grandbrother” sounds much cooler than uncle.
News flash, ladies. Men are settling for you, too.
A communist joke isn`t funny unless everyone gets it.
Girls are like parking spots all the good ones are taken and the rest are to far away
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
Let`s be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.
Roasted beef is like regular beef except the cows family tells embarrassing stories about it, which are tough and tasteless.
I like staying up insanely late but I also like getting 12 hours of sleep. See my dilemma?