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You know it`s a good night when you wake up with gum in your bellybutton.
Now what`s funny is "Si" from Duck Dynasty
If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
You know what`s more miraculous than a video with a million view but no dislikes on YouTube? The detention sheet empty for my class.
The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
You don’t look like 200 likes in person.
I know they didn`t ask for it, but I sent a stool sample in with my tax returns.
What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Apparently banned from the petting zoo...
there`s a fine line between "cocky" and "confidence"...and it just so happens I have perfect balance!
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I`m still looking.
If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete loser.
I try to live each day like it`s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
I have no idea how I use to get around in the dark before I had a cell phone.
I robbed a bank yesterday....now the question is, what to do with all that sperm....
Being human is expensive and exhausting.