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Make somebody happy today... mind your own business!!!
Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam`s ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.
They say if the palm of your hand itches, you`re going to get something. And if your crouch itches, you`ve already got it.
Forget beauty sleep. I want skinny sleep.
The best part about having an old VW is driving down the road and watching people punch the sh!t out of each other.
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I`m making important life decisions.
Good things come to those who wait ... Which explains why I`m always late.
I bet there`s a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable
A hot woman telling me about her boyfriend is like setting money on fire in front of a homeless person.
I remember 2012 like it was yesterday.
Happiness is realizing you can have as many drinks as you want ... cause you`re not driving.
Have you ever wondered about the look on someone`s face if you hide under their bed and grab their foot in the middle of the night? Just something to think about.....goodnight!
Born free. Now, Iām expensive.
It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I`m trying to do that & you`re lowering my chances.