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Never look back. That’s where all the monsters are.
Contrary to popular belief, it`s actually the fat that makes you look fat. It was never the dress
I hate when our cat runs into the room, hisses at an empty chair then runs back out and I end up in the bathtub holding a crucifix.
You have your whole life to be an a$$hole...are you trying to use it all up in one day?
If u think someone (me) is cute u should tell them (me)
If you ever feel sad remember that there’s a number you can call and a pizza will be there in 30 minutes.
Every job in the world should require their employees to enter and leave work in a Soul Train line.
You don`t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
I hate it when people upload song lyrics as their status`s it reminds me of somebody i used to know
Asian gangs, also known as study groups...
I wish I could understand what women with big boobs are saying.
I’m writing this from the hospital. Don’t worry! The doctors say I’m going to be OK but I must warn you. The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name!
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
A homeless man told me he hadn`t had a bite in weeks, so I bit him.
dreams of a better world... where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned