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That mini heart attack you get when the parked car next to you moves and you think you’re moving.
If I don`t `like` your post it`s because I don`t care...
We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
Women are always complaining that men are messy by leaving clothes layin around…..That’s because women take up all the closets
If you say "I slept like a baby" in front of me, I`ll ALWAYS assume you woke up every 2 hours, pissed yourself and cried for your mommy.
Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent.
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink every night
I just don`t want to look back and think "I could`ve eaten that"
Engineers: "okay, so we agree the space between the seat and the console will allow people to see what they dropped but never retrieve it"
Burned almost a thousand calories with the elliptical machine today. Moved it into the basement, that thing is heavy!
Thanksgiving advice: Sit at the kids table for as many years as possible.
The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.
My ex has had a really hard time moving on. From what I can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did)
I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.