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Urban Dictionary: Helping white folks figure out if they`re getting insulted or complimented daily.
Never trust anyone who says “Im not supposed to tell anyone but”
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.
"I don`t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others` lives sounds fun!" - How I got out of jury duty
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot” ...you`re wasting everybody’s time.
Truth is, it’s not a “long story”… I’m just too damn lazy to explain it.
When a porn actress is rude at a restaurant, there`s really nothing the staff can put in her food for revenge.
The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it breathe. 2) If it does not look like it`s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
Whatever it is ... I didn´t do it!
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
Word of advice. If your wife or girlfriend ever asks "hypothetically speaking, if I was to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?" Never give two names......ever.
There`s a big difference between a mechanic and a surgeon when they work on a tranny.
Pregnancy test confirmed me my worst fear.......I`m just fat
Don`t judge a person for drinking; judge a person for not drinking. Those f*ckers are up to something.
Can you LIKE this status with your elbow? (no cheating)