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It doesn`t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full. There`s clearly room for more Alcohol
Netflix is raising rates again? Man, whoever`s password I`m using has got to be pissed!
I’m in my dentist’s waiting room practicing my lies about flossing.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I am totally fleible.
Watching someone else play a video game is like watching someone who won`t let you join in while they`re masturbating.
I knew you were coming so I baked a cake ... It was delicious.
Tis the season to throw your diet out the window.
I tried my best to see things from your point a view, but your point of view is stupid.
Sorry, I didn`t get your text...Just kidding, I ignored that sh!t.
Apparently, I just ate 39 servings of Tic - Tacs.
Do you ever start writing a status and half way through you’re just like… nah
If anyone tells you, you have ADHD. Pay no attention.
This post was going to be really funny but I didn`t write it down because I was totally sure I`d remember it.
At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.
I’m glad to know that we will never have to worry about a lack of weathermen. I mean, I know at least a couple dozen on Facebook.