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Aging is inevitable, Maturing is optional.
You’re going to make some cats very happy one day.
My car said "low on fuel"..I replied "low on cash"..I`m still waiting for a reply..
There’s a thin line between “I should do a status update about that” and “I should talk to a therapist about that”
When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.
My little brother just told me I looked stoned as hell. Which is a little weird, considering I don`t have a little brother...
I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
I`m starting to think that Dr. Dre isn`t a real doctor after all...
cuss words = sentence enhancers
I only hug people when I need to wipe my hands off.
I can’t believe that all these “single ladies in my area” want to meet me, must be due to all the “free Ipads” I’ve been winning.
I dropped my affordable health care because I couldn`t afford it .
When you introduce clapping to your dancing you might probably be too old to be in a night club at 1am.
Just scraped 3 inches of "Mostly Cloudy" off my car.
"you failed just as much as your dads condom."