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For Halloween I`m going as an invisible person. I will be at all your parties.
It`s not a real relationship until their zip code is in your Weather Channel app.
Some things get in the way of my happiness, so I ignore them.
If others are jealous, you’re doing something right.
Highway to Hell is a great song because you can play it at both your wedding and your funeral.
I think Tampax and Hershey`s should get together and offer a super pack....
Sometimes I whisper, "I´m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world.
The zoo basically has two modes. 1. Lazy sleepy animals. 2. Hard core porn
People think that a girl`s dream is to find her perfect guy & be with him forever... That`s Crap! A girl`s dream is to eat without getting fat.
A high-pressure hose will usually stop a coworker from showing you any more baby photos.
I`d hit that. - women drivers
Over half the contacts in my phone are named “Do Not Answer”
The secret to dancing is pretending you have a wedgie and you’re trying to get it unstuck without using you’re hands.
i made a chicken salad the other day. little bastard didn`t even eat it.
I’m usually that person who has no idea what’s going on.