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One thing`s for sure when I shower with my boyfriend. My titties are spotless!!
At long last, I`ve finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I`m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner...
Whenever I pick my Grandma up from the airport, I leave my left blinker on during the entire drive so she feels more comfortable.
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
I hate mixed messages. They`re great.
If its true we`re here to help others, then what exaclty are the others here for?
This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik`s Cube. If you kids don`t know what a Rubik`s Cube is, it`s what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones. Mel
First Rule of Camping: Put up the tent before you start drinking.
I wish I could afford to have a drinking problem.
If Kanye didn`t sing "Gold Digger" while Kim walked down the aisle, I`m not interested in hearing anything about their wedding.
My grandfather once waited in line for 36 hours to get a loaf of bread and I can`t wait two seconds for a Youtube video to load.
Living out of your car isn`t so bad if you keep telling yourself you`re "on tour"
I don`t gamble. I don’t drink. My one vice is my iPhone. Well, that and lying about drinking and gambling.
Sometimes I wonder if I could get away with murder, but then I remember I can’t even eat pancakes without getting syrup all over me.