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Dear guys: Women don`t want pictures of your d!ck. Maybe try sending a screenshot of your bank statement and see where things go.
wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?
Keep the dream alive......... Hit the snooze button.
My 14 year old sent a text asking me to pick her up from school and added "not in your pajamas". So I`m wearing hers because good moms listen.
Hi Iām a spider & I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
My girlfriend ended up with a broken nose today because she wouldn`t listen to me... I said,"You`re about to walk into a lamppost."
The other day my son asked me who picks up the seeing eye dog`s poop.
My favorite beer is an open one.
I do not argue, I explain why Iām right.
Frankly auto correct,I`m getting tired of your shirt.
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you`re innocent".
I don`t have any skeletons in my closet because I bury my victims in the backyard!
Afraid my muffin top is desiring to become a pound cake.
I feel sorry for people who take everything way too seriously.
I don`t like morning people ... Or mornings ... Or people.