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I`ve discovered I own five umbrellas, if anyone wants to stage a musical number.
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
More often than not, the excitement of a Facebook friend request dies upon discovering who it is.
Never wake a sleeping woman. Because then she´ll be awake.
Everyone has that one friend that can turn any conversation into something dirty....I am usually that friend.
I believe in equality. If we have five days of work, then we should have five day weekends as well.
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
When you get angry at someone count out loud to ten. When you get to eight, throw a punch. Nobody expects that sh!t.
“True beauty is within” for example opening your fridge.
The first thing I do when I get a telemarketer call is say "Let`s go off script. What are you wearing?"
You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...
Money went much further in the 1980s when you could peel the price stickers off milk cartons and stick them on anything you needed
Violence is never the answer. Unless the question is `What is never the answer?`
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”
In the word "scent" is it the s that is silent or the c?