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The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.
Pepper spray: The perfect way to end an annoyingly long conversation.
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
If there`s one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it`s... "Goonies never say die!"
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
Sometimes I just open up the cabinet and let the Tupperware hit me in the face on purpose.
I`d like to test the theory that money can`t buy you happiness.
Here, take my hand. Now slap yourself with it.
Check this one out.........1
Twerking is the crocs of dancing.
I don’t just act crazy, I’ll drive you there too.
Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don`t know who this woman is but she`s my new life coach.
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.
I took the "Which 90`s Cartoon Are You?" quiz and got "You`re a fucking grown man. Stop it. Right now."
The voices in my head are not real, but they have good ideas.