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It`s all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
Life can be like Chess sometimes. I don`t know how to play Chess.
Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
People always get offended when you call their baby ugly, but they never understand that they`ve offended you by showing you an ugly baby.
Whoever figured out that you can make cake in a mug in under a minute was probably really going through some sh!t.
I just broke my record for most days lived.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend
A dozen roses: $12, a box of chocolates: $10, a Happy Valentines Day card: $2, still having $24 dollars because you`re single: priceless!
My goal this weekend is to move just enough each day so that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead
I bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.
If a vegan does crossfit which do they talk about first?
As far as Im concerned, you are not my concern.
It’s so nice outside I should probably close the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen.
It must suck to be an air conditioner repairman. You spend your day working in buildings that have no air conditioning. When it`s fixed and finally cool, you leave.
Remember....... Its not drinking alone if you`re on Facebook ;)