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Parents, forget about teaching your kids about the birds and the bees. Teach your kids the difference between their, they`re and there.
You should probably first master the art of thinking “inside” the box
The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
I`m not saying I hate you, but I`d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
Of all the lies I tell, "I was just kidding!" is my favorite.
Sometimes I get up really early, drink some coffee and read some awesome motivational quotes. Then I go back to bed.
Monday must be a man ... It comes too quickly.
Was going to watch the presidential inauguration today, but found something more interesting on a different channel. Watched "How cow farts affect the ozone layer" on The Science channel.
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I`m always ready for bed.
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
I bet every guy would be faithful if God took an inch off his d!ck every time he cheated...
Hey babe, go to Google Earth, zoom in on your house. See that blue cap in the bushes? Hi!
You know it`s a classy establishment when they quietly ask you to leave.
I don`t know about you, but I`ve thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.