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I’m not drunk, I’m just exhausted from drinking all night.
I noticed you stopped taking your meds. Can I have them?
I decided I`m going to be poor... Its Cheaper :)
Nothing like calling off work and watching porn all morning.
trying to do something before the microwave is finished is sort of like trying to complete the countdown maths problem on countdown...
In space they just call it "Jam"
The people naming dinosaurs should teach the people naming hurricanes how to name stuff.
It`s not condescending if they`re stupid.
The wifi going down on me is the most action I`m going to get tonight.
I`d fight a bear for you. Well, not a grizzly or a brown bear. But maybe like a care bear. I`d fight one of those sonsabitches for you.
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you can just plow thru Uranus because it`s all gas. I cannot respond maturely.
If you enjoy being the 10,000th person to put your thumb into a hole, then bowling is for you.
I was born to be happy… not normal.
The cashier at this self checkout is horrible.