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If you`re wondering about my cooking skills, I`ve been asked to bring paper towels to our family gathering.
A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.
That moment when you realize your children have your twisted sense of humor...And you don`t know whether to be proud or scared.
It hurts when you goto unfriend someone only to discover they beat you to it
Now that the Summer is over, I can finally stop pretending to be on a diet
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
So those numbers on sports jerseys are how many people each player has killed or what.
Highschool Reunion? What for ? I`m on Facebook. I already know who got fat.
The only thing that makes me happy about the launch of a new model cell phone is that I can finally afford the previous model.
So, is Dora 18 yet, or what? Asking for a friend.
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
Women who say the quickest way to a man`s heart is through his stomach, have not seen his browser history.
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair
I was trying to think of something really deep to post on Facebook this morning. The Mariana Trench comes to mind.
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true!