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I don’t think it’s a coincidence that morning and mourning sound the same.
I’ve never been in love but I imagine it’s similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.
I have just one thing to ask you people who say the memory is the first thing to go: What did I come in here for?
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker, so I told her to roll them tighter.
Here’s a little bit of advice for you.. advi
“Can we talk tomorrow?” is my way of saying “I’ll try to do a better job of avoiding you tomorrow?”
for those people out there who don`t know me, congrats your not a facebook addict
If history has taught us anything, it`s that reheated french fries are gross.
Went shopping alone and the cashier asked, "How are you guys doing?" Now I`m 90% sure he can see ghosts and one is following me around.
Imagine if someone`s name was Gurt. You`d be all "yo gurt!" .. funny? no? Ok (._.)
I decided to make a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number 1: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes?
I hate when people passive-aggressively post vague, indirect statuses. You know who you are...
Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..
Just backed into a Jaguar but I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling