Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I met a woman on a dating site that said she was high maintenance when I finally saw her it looked more like she was in need of major repairs
It`s crazy that your brain can calculate where to put your hand to catch a 98 mph fastball... But won`t keep your mouth shut when a woman is angry
All I`m saying is, I`ve never seen my ex and Satan in the same room together.
If I could just make one thing very clear at this point ... I would.
Some of you take selfies from so close up, I`m beginning to wonder if you`re a T-Rex.
"A vodka, please" "Sir, this is McDonald`s" "OK, a McVodka, please and super size it."
A lot of people are only alive because I shed too much hair to ever get away with murder.
Some people have to learn lessons the hard way. Like with a bat. A bat is hard.
Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year. Spend a little extra for a really good one ... Just tring to help.
When people have cars as their profile picture I automatically presume they are a transformer.
When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers.
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
Don’t bother looking up “impose.” It’s next to impossible.
Want someone to stop texting you? Sleep with them.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting.