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Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.
Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn`t working out either.
I just attempted to wash a paper plate if you wonder how much money I have available.
If you are noticing this notice, you will have noticed this notice is not worth noticing
If you want to ruin a song forever use it for your alarm.
If you`re ever held at gun point, just remember, I`m behind you 100%.
I just responded to a text message with: I can`t hear you, you`re breaking up.
It`s fun to leave a note on the windshield of an expensive car saying sorry I smashed it, but I fixed it so well that you can`t tell.
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
See above or below for better statuses.
It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
Good rule of thumb: if you see an adult riding a children’s bicycle, you’re probably in a bad neighborhood.
You ever wonder why wearing no underwear is called “going commando”? It seems to me it wouldn’t be useful in a combat situation.
Just spent like 5 hours talking to my neighbor about his garden and long story short, turns out it was just a f*cking scarecrow.