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I`m not a psychologist,,, but I remember when a Hot Wheels track magically cured 80% of ADHD
Before having any kids make sure you’re done sleeping and doing things you like to do.
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
No one is as ugly as their driver`s license, and nobody is attractive as their profile picture.
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
My parents preferred my imaginary friend over me.
The boss said I should let my creative juices flow. What he doesn’t know is that my creative juices are vodka and cranberry.
A wise man once told me `Never sleep with your a$$ itching.. You`ll wake up with smelly fingers`
The toughest thing in business is minding your own.
One day id like to have a brand new Iphone like the lady in front of me with the food stamps.
If the shoe fits, shove it further up their a$$
The older I get the earlier it gets late.
I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That`s it. No more reading!
I´m playing hide and seek with the kids right now and they´ll never find me, because they aren´t old enough to drive or get into this bar.
One man`s LOL is another man`s WTF