Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Don’t tell me what to do unless you’re naked.
I told my psychiatrist that I`ve been hearing voices. He told me that I don`t have a psychiatrist.
Shouldn`t there have been one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
I never forget a breast, I mean face. I never forget a face.
Life would be so much better if throughout the day we encountered randomly placed Piñatas
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
I do marathons ... on Netflix.
Everytime I see a mattress tied to the top of a car, I think….there’s another prostitute making a house call……
Sorry I said "at least it`s healthy" when you asked me how cute your baby was.
I hate when people try to make small talk on the elevator. "How`s it going?", "How about the weather?", "Where are your pants?".
Scent is the sense most tied to memory. "Common" is the sense least tied to people.
Honk if you want to see my finger.
I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of crazy.
Relationship status: Just got screamed at for peeling the carrots wrong.
Do the right thing today: Go to someone`s profile, scroll down 4 months, and like something.