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Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
Condom commercials should just be 30 seconds of crying babies pooping and vomiting all over themselves.
Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve.
When the hostess at the restaurant says "table for 2?" I always like to look surprised and whisper "you can see him too?"
Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
I`ll show up at the gym when they put in a drive-thru.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..
Nothing ruins hump day like not getting humped.
"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
I do my best proofreading after I hit `send`.
Nothing says "I`m unemployed" like wishing for snow on Facebook.
Before bed, my Dad would always say, "OK son, time to hit the sack." Not sure how me punching him in the balls helped him sleep, but hey, that’s my Dad for ya.
Shouldn’t the Air and Space museum be empty?
I see you’re playing stupid. Looks like you’re winning too.
I sometimes get road rage just pushing a shopping cart though a grocery store!