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You’re not really living if you don’t have an arch-nemesis.
You know you are getting old when you see girls from TEEN category moved to MATURE & MILFS.
I`ve ended up encountering much less porridge than I had expected I would as a child.
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance…the five stages of me hitting the snooze button in the morning
It’s not a great nap, unless you wake up and can’t remember what day it is.
Weird is just a side effect of being awesome.
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you’re supposed to be doing something else.
Even when I’m home alone, I still answer Jeopardy questions out loud.
That moment when I try and be helpful to a blind man getting off the bus by saying, "watch your step"
How am I supposed to get any work done with all this work I have to do?
A moment of silence to all the kids who can’t wait to become a teenager because they think it’s fun..
I need to borrow someones kid for Halloween. I miss free candy.
We`re all just nudists in disguise...
When everything is coming your way, you`re probable in the wrong lane.
My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy