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FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that`s easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president.
I`ve been married to my wife 10 years today. Having sex with just one person in 10 years is pure dedication. I don`t know how she does it.
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
It would be cool if you heard a thunder bug a few seconds after you saw a lightning bug.
Some people are like water balloons, they’re more fun when you throw them out the window.
Happy "Another excuse to drink" Day!
Don’t look unless you’re prepared to see.
GF: "You`re cute when you`re drunk" Me: "You`re cute when I`m drunk too"
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
There are 3 reasons for ”Liking” someone’s Facebook status: 1. I agree. 2. I realise this is about me, so I’m liking it to rub it in your face. 3. I want to bang you.
I don`t understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their facebook status to "single." I fight with my parents but you don`t see me change my status to "orphan."
A small child called 911 upon seeing a zebra because he thought a horse escaped from jail
A date with Destiny.. Cause strippers need lovin` too.
facebooked yo mama!!!
I hate it when I open my fridge and get punched by a bear... =/