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In my defense, it was a fantastic idea at 3am...
Make your day more fun by going up to a stranger and asking "Hey, how have you been since the amnesia?"
My hobbies include trying to close the elevator door before someone else gets on.
Hey Gotham City criminals, why isn’t the first thing on your to-do list “Unplug the Bat Signal”?
Video Game Logic: Everyone worse than me is my bitch and everyone better than me has no life.
I`m giving up abbreviations for Lent. Laugh Out Loud
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
love me or leave me,,HEY!!! where is everybody going?
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart or at Taco Bell.
Just remember, outside of that beautiful slim bride on her wedding day there’s a fat woman just waiting to get in.
I really hope my spirit animal is a bear because well I would love to hibernate all winter.
If you see a guy with no arms and your first thought is “My God how does he drink his beer??”, You might be an alcoholic.
Drank way too much beer last night. Didn`t leave any for this morning.