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How can so many movies be “based on real events” when no one farts?
I just passed the local college and saw 3 very fit young ladies with very tight yoga pants walking to class...I have never been so motivated to return to college.
Don`t blame me. You`re the one following a 41 year old man who just jumped into his bed like an Olympic athlete because scary monsters.
I gave up on humanity when I picked up this girl`s phone and saw that my number was saved as Free Food.
Poetry would be a lot harder if violets were orange.
My innocent look never works in the nude.
You mean.. people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
I sleep better naked.. why can´t the flight attendants understand this?
Sometimes I let the words in my mind come out of my mouth. And it feels awesome! B)
Advice of the day: Don`t go trick or treating at the bank. They get freaked out. Especially when it`s not Halloween
Marriage. Because your sh*tty day doesn`t have to end at work
Iwent to Office Max to buy a drawing board, but they were sold out. I guess it`s back to the....oh rats...
Thats it! I want to be re-inserted and I don`t want to remember a darn thing!
Hey rumor has it, that if you look up from your phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling.. as I butter a doughnut