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I bet you $567.89 you can’t guess how much I owe my bookie.
I`m a good singer. Unfortunately I have a bad voice.
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
I`m not the sort of person you should put on speakerphone.
Save time. See it my way.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
May all of us be as good looking/ beautiful as we look on our FB profile pic..
It doesn`t matter if you don`t like my personality... I have several more!
I`d hit that. - women drivers
Pretending to be a functioning adult is exhausting.
We didn`t take a video recording of our child`s birth but we have some awesome video of his conception.
You can tell how old someone is by what part of the chex mix is their favorite.
That awkward moment when you are killing it on Mario Kart & then realize you are looking at the wrong side of the screen.
Having plans sounds great until you realize you have to put on clothes and actually leave the house.
Browsing the internet when bored is like the virtual version of checking the refrigerator...