Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Truthfully officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over, if I known all you were gonna do is complain about my driving.
My Therapist told me not to drink while I`m on my Meds but little does she know...I`ve been off my Meds for almost a week now!
Goodnight friends, strangers, pervs, weirdos and a$$holes, and anybody else I left out.
If I had a time machine I`d go back to 900 A.D. and just scare the sh!t out of people with an electric toothbrush.
Computer froze? Just press all the keys.
Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
I`m not saying women are smarter than men, but it`s kinda ironic that there`s so few known women serial killers and so many unsolved murders.
New Subway rule: You must give the person in front of you a wedgie if they take more than 5 seconds to choose what kind of bread they want.
No pants are the best pants.
People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.
When wearing a logo or clever t-shirt, make sure your rack looks good. No one likes reading stuff on a lumpy, wavy surface. You too, ladies.
I can`t wait for Taylor Swift to break up with a black guy, so she can write a rap album!
A small child called 911 upon seeing a zebra because he thought a horse escaped from jail
The easiest way to distract a woman is to show her a picture of herself.