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The guy that thought of wrapping other food items in bacon deserves an award.
When I was a kid they didn`t call it "Behavioral Disorders", They called it "Being a little brat".
My girlfriend says I talk while I sleep... but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
I always stop to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porno starts off!
That logical moment when you`re watching Home Alone 2 wondering how child services haven`t taken him away from his parents yet.
What if every time a song pops into your head, it’s really just your brain intercepting one of the bajillion radio signals bouncing around you?
Ever talk to someone so stupid they make you squint?
My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I’ll get it together eventually but it won’t ever feel quite right.
If I agree with you, we would both be wrong.
this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don`t know who`s winning
If you`re in your car, go ahead and pick your nose, because the car makes you invisible.
It`s my birthday. I’m not just a year older, I’m also a year better and prettier ... I know your jealous ;)
You don`t even want to know the things I have done for a Klondike Bar...
I am really getting tired of every time I go out people use me for my body. You know, to shade them from the sun and all.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade"