Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the hell.
Huge spoiler here ... Did you know Dave is actually NOT the real father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.
First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
I went to the store and saw that Duracell batteries were on sale just before Valentine`s Day. Someone is a marketing genius.
I don’t really forgive people I just pretend like it`s okay and wait for my opportunity to destroy them.
I wish my personality allowed me to write deep and meaningful statuses sometimes, oh well. Titties!
I have to hand it to people who lead a double life ... I can barely handle the one I have.
My wife went home to visit her mother today. Or as I refer to it. Her “bitch refresher course”.
Must be nice to get married and finally know who the number one suspect in your murder case will be
I keep hitting the escape key ... But I`m still here.
I work out by ordering a small drink at Burger King, then get up 100 times to refill it.
Pretty soon you`ll be able to get married online, instead of saying "I do" you will have to click "I agree to these terms and conditions."
I just googled Magnum condoms and I swear I could hear Siri laughing.
I like how automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me.
If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?