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"Everyone give us money in case something happens and when something happens we`ll call you a liar." -insurance
Imagine being the sort of person who knows what every button on a TV remote does.
My son and his friends are great ... They always spray the house with air freshener before I get home.
Thank God I still have 20 days to achieve my goal of "going to the gym in 2013."
I`m not the sort of person you should put on speakerphone.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I Don’t answer text messages right when I get them so I don’t seem desperate. Then, I forget about them and never respond.
Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it.
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
this is a status you spent your time reading: sj
The best nights are those when it never crosses your mind to update your Facebook status.
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I`m driving.
Whoever decided to color underpants white was an idiot.
Pizza: Round food, cut into triangles and put into a square box.
Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.