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“I went to Jared” I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
Tonight’s forecast. Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
You guys are even more beautiful now that I`m wearing my "wine glasses".
Fellas; There’s no heterosexual way of taking a selfie.
The wife finally agreed to anal sex... Does anyone know what a strap-on is?
For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media overreaction.
Don`t put off until tomorrow what you can avoid the rest of your life.
The first snow of spring is always the most beautiful
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit?
You`d think he`d be better at this with all the porn he watches
I`d take Cap`n Crunch more seriously if his eyebrows weren`t on his hat.
Remember bad decisions make the best stories!!!
Sorry I mispronounced your baby`s name you made up.
My car is equipped with the best anti-theft device. I call it "No air conditioning".
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..