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Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don`t quote me!
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
FYI: Taking permanent marker and writting Aeropostale on Fruit of the Loom tee shirts will NOT fool your teenager.
Lazy is a very strong word, I like to call it “selective participation.”
I watched my first silent movie the other day. The kids weren`t there.
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
I was going to exercise this morning, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
I don’t trust public opinion polls because they don’t take into consideration the fact that the public is made up of mostly idiots.
Why does no one ever talk about where a bear pees?
I`m so glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how long it takes me to understand what someone is saying.
I am a gentleman, based on the clubs I go to.
If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.