Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"It seemed like a good idea at the time"............................... An often used phrase in a lot of my memories.
Taking down my Christmas tree would probably just be a waste of time at this point.
It may look like Iām having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time Iām just thinking about what food Iām going to eat later.
I hate when I spend the extra money to buy organic vegetables only to get home and find out that I bought regular donuts.
Just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box.
My neighbours diary say`s I have boundary issues.
Nothing embarrasses psychics more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.
Sometimes when I`m bored, I pick out a girl from my list of FB friends that I`ve never actually met and then go back on her timeline and like every single post she made in like 2009......That should freak her out a bit...
Iād be 100x more motivated if Samuel L. Jackson yelled at me to get things done.
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Kohls.
If you`re sick and tired of every Asshole on Facebook asking you to copy and paste stuff as your status, please copy and paste this as your status.
From now on, I will be replacing the word `sh*t` with `sugar` in my facebook statuses, so that I don`t come across as being so f*cking vulgar all the time.
My Dr said I am a sex addict. I ask him how he knew and he said you are a man.
Sooooo, ..a friend of mine was watching my dog lick herself in a certain area. Out of nowhere he says, "I wish I could do that." ...I said, "Go ahead, but she might bite."...
Shoplifting may be wrong in a general sense, but what if, for example, I`m bored of paying for things