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I have a hidden talent......I really wish I could find it!
Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.
Just in: Chinese people confirm they were just messing with us with chopsticks. "You guys look like dumb idiots lol" says one Chinese guy
I wouldn`t be surprised if my kids think the phrase "goddamn douchebag" means someone who pulls out in front of your car without signaling.
“Get your panties in a bunch” would make a great slogan at Costco.
The difference between beer and your opinion is that I asked for a beer.
My anaconda really doesn`t care if you got buns or not.
The success of a marriage hinges entirely on the ability to know which of your wife’s clothing is okay to go into the dryer.
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
Top three reasons he doesn`t text you back: 1. He`s just not that into you 2. He`s imaginary 3. He`s a cat
Hell, I finally figured out what was wrong with me ... I have been reading the wrong horoscope!!
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
Laptop speakers, too quiet for music, too loud for porn.
insert coin to view my status
My IQ? ... With google or without?