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Please ignore this post, I`m pretending to be adding a coworker`s phone number.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I didn`t have a dollar.
Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
It hurts to be in love. Oh wait, I`m sitting on my keys.
I am so thankful for all the people that aren`t in my life.
Apparently somebody gets stabbed every 52 seconds...sucks to be that guy
My internet goes out more than I do.
I`m drinking like there`s snow tomorrow.
Dear sneeze, If you`re gonna happen, happen. Don`t put a stupid look on my face and leave
When life gives you melons, wear a low cut top.
You are not stupid, I just think you have bad luck when thinking.
If you lose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
I`m at that "licking peanutbutter off a spoon" time to go grocery shopping point....
That awkward moment when your trapped in the corner of your shower because the hot water ran out.
Iām bored. Anyone need anything avenged?