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I`ve spent approximately 2% of my life walking back to the trash can and checking the box to see how long I need to microwave my food.
Saw a girl with three lip piercings, took everything in my power not to attach a shower curtain
"I can`t wait to nail you later" *whispers to the new picture I just bought*
To show my support for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I`ll be giving free breast exams all month. Hit me up if you`re interested.
Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman.
I think I`m approaching my "best if used by" date
I`m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik`s Cube. If you kids don`t know what a Rubik`s Cube is, it`s what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones. Mel
There’s really no reason to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.
Thoughts of you make my demons nervous.
If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.
The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google what they call you when it ends badly
The toughest thing in business is minding your own.
I don´t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
Firemen must dread the moment when they`re done for the day and have to find the strength to climb back up the pole.