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Most people decide to have scramble eggs immediately after thinking: "I`ll just flip this omelette"
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don`t want myself to know about.
Don`t get me started Bitches, I don`t come with brakes.
So I was looking at my boyfriends facebook page and saw a ton of girls saying they love him. He`s obviously cheating on me. We are so over Zac Efron.
I hate it when chicks wear pink camo. I`m like, "girl" where you hiding? Candyland?
My dad says that if I don`t stop typing so loudly, he`s gonna slam my face into the fidbdiUHy6hivIifHfGK
Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ``Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?``
I feel sorry for people who don`t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it`s considered responsible. But if you do that with your gf, it`s called "cheating."
I`m 0-9 on finding secret rooms behind bookcases.
The best part about being over 40 is we did most of our stupid stuff before the internet.
Bored? Text "Our condom broke." to a random number
I hope common sense is the next cool trend.
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!:D
Hysterical Shrieking should be reserved for truly serious situations such as Centipedes, Spiders, and that Creepy Uncle that likes to give everyone back rubs.....