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It`s Monday. I`m refreshed and ready to hate my Job
Apparently, “I had an interview with a better company” is not an acceptable reason for being late for work.
I would explain it to you again, but I am fresh out of puppets and crayons.
I really should learn to say "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"
is available for rebound sex.
Dear parents of college students on Spring Break, Congrats! Many of you are about to be grandparents!
Stapling water to a tree is easier than controlling your laughter at serious times.
You’d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
I accidentally shoveled the sidewalk all the way to the bar again.
Ten seconds of drug commercials are spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest is spent basically daring you to take it.
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
Thinking " What would happen if the whole world farted at once and a person lit a lighter?"
Vodka: Taking you from a 6 to a 10 in five easy shots
The reason why women will never be the ones to propose is because as soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants