Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
Setting my coffee maker to `stun`
Recipes sound good until you realize that you don`t have $846 worth of spices in your house.
There is no better indication of how drunk you are than how loudly you declare that you`re not.
Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, nooooooo.
I pretend to like people everyday. It`s called being an adult. That`s why we`re allowed to buy booze.
When you`re tucking your kids in at night, read them a few select Facebook statuses, kiss them on the forehead and whisper "This is why we must stay in school."
Our sex was so good, the neighbors smoked after we finished.
Amnesia sounds so relaxing.
I get my cardio from caffeine...
With great power comes great electricity bill.
I`m sorry, we can`t hire you. But your background check was hilarious.
Don`t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.
I wonder if monsters ever get scared that we might be hiding under their bed?
Do you think all the giraffes sit around and watch Margaret in Nebraska give birth?