Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Someone told me that I seemed a little more classy than usual. The only thing I can think of is they somehow found out I used a Target bag instead of one from Wal Mart to line my bathroom`s wastepaper basket.
Bring donuts so your coworkers will like you. Cut them in half so they will hate you again.
Professor X can move anything with his mind... except his legs.
I hate when people post lyrics from songs, but I will survive.
I`m hearing voices again. Probably because my window is open and there are people outside talking, but still.
I`m not an alcoholic I just have a lot of things to celebrate.
Here`s a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don`t be me.
That amazing moment when you smack the remote and it actually works!
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done in my entire life.
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
Have you ever been cutting a piece of pager with scissors and worried that you might cut an atom in half and destroy the world?
Why does using a straw make it so much harder to admit there’s no more soda?
I can’t believe that all these “single ladies in my area” want to meet me, must be due to all the “free Ipads” I’ve been winning.
"I smell carrots. Do you smell carrots? `cause I smell carrots..." ~ Snowmen.
If we`re in a situation where I am the "voice of reason," then we are in a very very bad situation.