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Teamwork is just another way of saying we will soon be sharing in the blame equally.
If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?
Too bad you can’t get abs from laughing at your own jokes, because I would have an 8 pack.
Guys i did not copy or edit this status of mine.Please believe this is my own idea!
No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has to clean the bathroom at Taco Bell.
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
If Olympic drinking was an event I would probably take gold in the floor routine.
I`d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!
Ladies, when it comes to doggy style.....I`m behind you 100%
For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.
Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
The self-driving car should have an "I`m Feeling Lucky" button that drives you to a random location.
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more that throwing them a surprise party.
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke