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My kids think I`m uncool like I thought my parents where. Time to get even! ;)
I wish, just once, I could actually hit the pedestrian crossing the road slow with the "what`re gonna do, hit me" look on their face.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth
There’s no excuse for my behavior, so I’m drinking until I have one.
Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
I don’t mean to alarm you but you know those people in your office that can’t work the fax machine? They’re driving home on the same roads.
If they have an Ice Cream Truck for kids why don’t that have a Beer Truck for adults?
"I`m $50 away from getting free shipping which is only $5 and what I want is $12 so I need to spend $38 more to save money." -my brain
One man`s girlfriend is another man`s password.
Life would be so much better if throughout the day we encountered randomly placed Piñatas
I`m not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.
If you really want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with "I shouldn`t be telling you this but ..."
Saw a brand new Prius totaled on my way home from work. Still had the window sticker. That would suck... Not to crash, but to drive a Prius.
You may think I`m a loser, but to my goldfish, I`m the god of flakes.
People without kids: I`ll never yell at my kids ... People with kids: I DONT KNOW WHY SOMEONE SPIT THEIR GUM ON THE ROAD, JUST WALK!