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How can so many movies be “based on real events” when no one farts?
Ladys, if you`re in an argument with a guy and there`s no may to win. Start playing with your boobs...works every time.
Never judge a man ’till you’ve driven a mile with his wife.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think ugly people have children just to prove to everyone they had sex.
So the other day a girl asked me to Facebook her, needless to say she wasn`t to happy after I hit her in the face with a book
I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I`m living in their attic...
I`m not crazy, but I am a carrier.
Helping my kid study for her geology exam, and apparently `hard` `classic` and `punk` are not the 3 different types of rock.
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
LIFE always offers you a second chance,its called TOMORROW
If I was famous I would just knock on peoples doors and be like ... Hello, yes it`s me.
You know it’s a really good bar when there’s a couple outside breaking up.
What do women want? The opposite of whatever they have.