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How is it possible that we have one hand that can do everything while the other hand is all, “I can’t even hold a pencil”?
Sex is great, but.....Have you ever had stuffed crust pizza?!?!
My wife is amazing in bed. She can fall asleep immediately no matter how loud the TV is on.
This salad tastes like I`m about done with my New Year`s Resolution.
People who walk while looking at their phones and expect me to get out of the way... LOL.
Legally, it`s questionable .. Morally, it`s disgusting .. Personally, I love it. ;)
Mary had a little lamb,,the midwife fainted
Why does whoop-ass only come in a can?
The only reason I keep my land line is for the eventuality that this is The Matrix.
“The darndest things.” -kids
Girl scout cookies suck! I ate like 20 boxes of thin mints and I`m not any thinner.
I could scroll down my Facebook page and write a country song!!
Give a man a fish & he`ll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That`s weird" Teach a man to fish & he`ll be all "Again with the fish?"
Hello, fire department? Is this Mr. February? Yeah, I`m stuck in a tree. Uh, I mean... meooow.