Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sorry I stopped listening to your story when it wasn’t about me
We can`t cure cancer, diabetes or PMS, but we have 10 different pills to make a mans happy place bigger.
In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria. You decide.
I don’t cut in front of people whenever I’m waiting in long line, that’s rude. I just start dancing & grinding on them until they get all weirded out & leave. Works every time.
Basketball would be a lot more exciting if each team was allowed one bear.
Finding friends with the same mental disorder as you ... Priceless
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time…
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
No thanks, marriage. If I wanted to stop getting laid I would just start wearing crocs.
Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.
my imaginary friend thinks ur crazy? an shes hot!
I plan on leaving all my money to the campaign against illiteracy. ...They can`t read this right? lol
If you are not sweating while doing it...then you are doing it wrong.
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can`t make coffee.
If someone toilet papered my house that would be great because I`m out of toilet paper.