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Word on the street is... Lol. Jk. I don`t go outside.
Why didn`t you tell me that I wasn`t going to like you
There’s both a McDonald’s and a blood pressure machine in this Walmart. Circle of life.
Is beer cheaper off the kids menu
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren`t in the database.
I`ve taken my kids all over the country, but their favorite place to be is still "in the way."
There`s nothing like sitting by an open fire..watching the evidence burn.
Was the little pig who built his house out of straw some sort of idiot?
If I could be any animal I`d pick a turtle, strictly for the chance, however slight, I could be turned into a ninja.
I need to start eating more healthy, but first I need to eat all the junk food in the house so it’s not there to tempt me anymore.
I am having one of those days where my middle finger answers every question.
I found that 99% of the time, when I`m not listening, just saying "that`s some bullshi*t" makes them happy.
It takes so much self control for me not to write, "you sure about that?" under Facebook engagement announcements.
No matter where you live, there’s always 1 light switch that doesn’t do anything.
One thing the porn industry has taught me is that this summer I defiantly need to get a job as a poolboy.