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If someone is jogging at 7am on a Sunday - it`s because they`ve just killed someone right?
They say a woman’s work is never done. Maybe that’s why they get paid less.
I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
I`ve been spending so much time on Facebook, that I forgot the internet has porn.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you have incriminating evidence.
When Life Gives You Lemons Don`t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don`t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life`s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I`m the man who`s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I`m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
I had cheese, but no crackers ... I was cracka-lackin
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have given me a reason to drink this Friday night.
I DON`T NEED ANYONE OR ANYTHING!!! (Except for Louie...the name I`ve given this meatball sub.)
My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia, well he didn`t actually say that, but I could tell it was what the bastard was thinking.
Heck, I can tell which people are really judgmental just by looking at them.
You know what they say about men with big feet ;)..........We always have trouble finding shoes that fit.
Tried to borrow some bread from my Indian neighbour, but he said he had naan....
I find myself highly addicted to books as of late. Once I start coloring the first few pages I can`t stop....
I hear they designed the newest iPhone to fit perfectly in your hand, right where your money used to be.