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No matter how many lasagna’s you stack on top of each other, ultimately it’s always just one lasagna
If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
you know....I wasn`t planning on going for a run today....but those cops came out of nowhere
Wow.. I didn`t know spandex could hold that much.
people live & people die, but in the the end we still get high.. so if in life you dont succeed, F*CK it All & smoke some WEED ?
I`ll bet other dogs must think that poodles belong to some weird religious cult.
That amazing moment when you smack the remote and it actually works!
Sorry, I was not paying attention. I was thinking about having sex with you.
Instead of “single” as a relationship option, it should read “independently owned and operated”
Goodnight, good people - and nite nite to the naughty ones too!
Driving to work would be so much better if I didn’t always end up at work.
Scared the mailman today by going to the door completely naked. Not sure what scared him more, my naked body or that I knew where he lived.
I wish that just once, the clerk would just put the Monopoly money in the drawer and hand me a receipt
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be totally impossible!
I always ask my waitress to name everything that comes in the salad then I respond “OK perfect, I want a cheeseburger with none of that on it.”