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FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
I heard someone say their podcast was on "hiatus", guess that sounds better than "my mom took away my laptop".
Some people just need sympathetic pat.........on the head........with a hammer
I am not bossy, I just know how to do things the right way.
I knew the fun part of my life was over when my friends started getting pregnant on purpose
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
I swear... my remote just decides to take random vacations sometimes.
WikiHow suggested 9 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day.... I did all by ?#? SLEEPING?the whole day! How???? I smoked less, used water/power less etc. Wikiwikiwiki!!!!!
I opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe. It didn`t. So I gave it mouth to mouth.
Is there a phobia for leaving the house when your phone isn`t fully charged? There should be.
I`d probably get a lot more done if it wasn`t for me.
I`ve been baptized five times this week in five different churches. I wish the landlord would hurry up and fix my shower.
Tried to explain Twitter to my 80 year old Mother, pretty sure she is now insane.
Those days where you don`t take anyone`s sh!t ... Yeah, today is one of those days.
My exercise routine needs to include a little more than opening difficult pistachios.