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I may not be the best looking, wittiest, smartest or even the most successful person. I forget where I was going with this...
I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
I think I`m a grown up the same way Dr. Phil is a doctor.
According to the law it`s not appropriate to put a bounty on my boss. I actually thought it showed great initiative and leadership.
Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn`t know you did that for fun.
It`s so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office being on Facebook.
Clearly, it is wrong to describe woman`s menopause as "the old Fallopian tubes finally rusting shut." My bad.
WikiHow suggested 9 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day.... I did all by ?#? SLEEPING?the whole day! How???? I smoked less, used water/power less etc. Wikiwikiwiki!!!!!
I may or may not have just "Whipped my Hair Back and Forth".......
The skinny girl inside me once tried to come out. I shut that b*tch up with a cupcake
At the urinal, please keep your eyes forward and your conversations limited to weather, sports or beer.
No, PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on facebook.
I use my imagination to solve problems. And by imagination, I mean booze.
Let It Snow is my favorite song about people who don`t understand how weather works.
Women- God’s version of a Rubik’s cube.