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Behind every strong woman is a man that she needs to open jars and get things off high shelves.
Why periods? Why can`t Mother Nature just text me and be like, "Whaddup Girl?, You ain`t pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to ya next month."
is actually feeling pretty much okay about not accomplishing anything this year.
If everything tastes like us, why do we have to die? –Chickens
You ever notice that the most dangerous thing about marijuana is getting caught with it?
The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
I can come up with plenty of ways to do nothing.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend
Show me, on this cat calendar, how long it`s been since you`ve had a date?
Today I caught myself thinking of you and smiling... but it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
Some guy waved to me and then walked up and said, “Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” .... I said, “I am.”
Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it`s lettuce.
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.
Odd Fact: The names of characters in Inception are: Dom, Robert, Eames, Arthur, Mal and Saito. Note the first letters = DREAMS.
HR says I`m not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(