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My New Year’s resolution is to climb Mount Everest, learn 7 new languages, and stop lying.
I don’t care how high you set the bar as long as I can reach my drink.
I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!
I always get a nice safe feeling whenever I see a police car and I realize I`m not driving around with a trunkful of cocaine.
My car said "low on fuel"..I replied "low on cash"..I`m still waiting for a reply..
Where 5 minutes becomes 5 hours. Facebook.
Somebody asked for my name today, and when I told them they said "That`s an unusual name. You don`t hear that everyday" to which I replied "Well actually... I do"
Seems like I can`t go anywhere in my house without somebody recognizing me.
Five little words that will win my heart, "I brought beer and pizza."
I see you`ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend.......who`s in with me?
My New Years Resolution for 2015 is to stop being so impatient.
Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example: I am going to the liquor store and I`m scared that it`s closed.
Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago.
Hey, people who don`t drive *exactly* like I do. Get off the road!