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It`s what`s on the inside that counts... *Except chocolate covered raisins.
You`re not a geek or a nerd because you always have to have the latest high tech gadgets and electronics. YOU`RE RICH
The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day. Like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
in 2014 there were times when I annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you and bugged the hell out of you. Today i wanna let you know that i planned to continue with it this year :-)
Christmas is just like any other day in the workplace, you work your butt off and the fat guy with a suit gets all the credit.
We can`t cure cancer, diabetes or PMS, but we have 10 different pills to make a mans happy place bigger.
I love my friends unconditionally.* *Certain terms and conditions may apply. May not be available on all days. Coverage not available in all locations.Offer good for 30 days.Requires two-year minimum agreement. Fees applied for activation and early termination.
Monday comes saturday ends and somewhere in between i realized i slept the weekend away....):
If you rearrange the letters of "postmen" they get really pissed off.
I found a spider in my shoe. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
Roses are Red Violets are Blue, If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
Whenever I watch the TV show Friends, I imagine I`m the seventh friend, Dirk, who just stays home while all his friends do stuff without him.
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.
"it`s the thought that counts" doesn`t include showering. You have to actually do that.
If you read my entire Facebook timeline from the beginning, you can witness my descent into madness