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You cant ask "What do you mean by that?" without sounding pissed off
Do you ever think that if it weren`t for someone smoking Marijuana they might of killed you already. . .
May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean
I need a hug right now also five hundred thousand dollars in cash.
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes...Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
The filling in this fortune cookies tastes like paper...
My new bumper sticker ... "Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
I’m drinking because you’re talking.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of adults nowadays who ask kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" are just trying to come up with some ideas?
Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife, someone wakes me up...
Slowly, Waldo`s wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together
Guys communicate by insulting each other, but don’t really mean it. Girls communicate by complimenting each other, but don’t really mean it.
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.
Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.