Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Occasionally, I like to agree with a man just to watch the look of fear, confusion and nervous-anxiety.
MISSED CONNECTION: I gave you the Heimlich maneuver on Maine St. You insisted you weren’t choking and put up a good fight.
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
It’s not that I don’t care what you’re saying; I was just thinking about food.
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
There are two types of people in this world: people who pee in the shower and liars.
I don`t work that hard, I just make everything look way more difficulat than it is...
The problem with alcohol is that... it wears off.
I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
No thank you, I don`t need a coaster. I won`t be putting my drink down.
Reaching under the couch for something is the closest I’ll ever get to yoga.
I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it`s Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes.
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn`t stolen.
I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.
People who say they suffer from constipation are usually full of sh!t.