Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I feel bad for kids nowadays who can`t get the toys they want because their parents have to be 18 or older to call.
You`ve reached the limitations of my medications.
there is a big difference between spray tanned and looking like you rolled in nacho chesse doritos.
Your secret is safe with me as long as it`s boring.
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
Why is it called cliffhanger and not
You know its bad when you feel like your life is being directed by Quentin Tarantino.
When a woman asks you to guess her age, it`s like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb.
I was told that I had an alcohol problem, but I think me and Captain Morgan have it figured out..
When your kids become teenagers, it`s important to have a dog so someone in the house is happy to see you.
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
You`re about as deep as a kiddies splash-pool..
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.
If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way I told you to.
I can`t turn water into wine, but I can turn vodka into dinner