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If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke breaks a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.
Never judge a man ’till you’ve driven a mile with his wife.
i never said i knew what i was doing, i said i was going to do it anyway :)
Childless people wondering what it`s like to have some kiddos? Make a lovely healthy breakfast. Take it and throw it all over the floor.
Good morning to some...Hello to others...And f*uck you to the rest!!
Somewhere in America, a woman has a baby every 47 minutes. We`ve got to find this woman and stop her!
Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.
Here`s a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management
I don`t feel like folding the laundry, so I just restart the dryer
The worst form of Alzheimer’s is when you walk out of the kitchen and forget to grab a beer.
I only use the outdoors to get to another indoors.
I just found my Christmas Spirit.... It`s been in aisle 6 at this liquor store the whole time!
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them.
You know you`re a mom when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.