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I`m thinking about investing some serious cash in gold....or maybe some other color.
Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?
At this point I`m guessing the North only won the Civil War because the South got half an inch of snow and they completely lost their minds
im like the government: i spend money on things that aren`t important, and spend most of my time trying to explain to people why i need them.
Why are there never any good side effects. Just once, I’d like to read a medication bottle that says “May Cause Multiple Orgasms”
Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. I ate a pizza.
Marriage. The world`s oldest form of identity theft.
I just lost another hour trying to figure out how to reset the clock in my car.
I`d probably get a lot more done if it wasn`t for me.
thumbs up if you pee on the side of the toilet to make it quiet.
“I saw that.” -Karma
Pretending to be a functioning adult is exhausting.
Campers: Nature`s way of feeding mosquitoes.
So apparently airport security doesn`t like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane.
Pink camouflage: I`m like, where you hiding? Candyland?