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I suffer from paranoia and procrastination. Everyone is out to get me, just not right now.
Let me check my giveashitmeter ... nope nothing.
The next time there`s an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
Weekends are like a orgasm.. It`s takes a lot to get there and when u finally do it`s over in no time
Fellas.....the girl on the flyer is never at the club
Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.
I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when Iām making a questionable decision for my life.
The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...
Answering my phone and saying... FBI fraud division. Has really cut down on the telemarketers.
My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
If people could hear the next five seconds after we hit end call, we would all have no friends.
No man has ever won a game of `notice anything different about me?`
I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."
Saw A bumper sticker that said "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap" not sure if he was a proud fat man or a disgruntled kidnapper though.
I fake my lol`s