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Apparently when you donate blood, it has to be "YOUR" blood.
If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately
I donate blood 5 times a year just so I`m less and less related to some of my relatives.
Great. Trapped in an elevator with a dead body again. Well not exactly dead yet but he`s making noises with his gum
The Easter Bunny doesn`t always drink, but when he does I bet it`s hopscotch.
What idiot called it Adderall instead of Accomplish Mints?
My neighbor was singing in the shower again this morning. I didn’t mind though as I can`t hear anything through the telescope.
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex.
My wife says I talk while I sleep. But I’m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
My friends made fun of me for buying this flamethrower, but at least I don`t have to shovel snow this weekend.
Mom in poetic mood ....Asked me to express emptiness .... I showed her my wallet ........ n m cheek still burns .... :-p :-p
I assume that a Columbus Day sale means I can just walk into a store and take whatever I want.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people who take mini golf seriously.
If your friends tell you not to give in to peer pressure and you don`t: technically, you did