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This salad is delicious, probably because it`s a donut.
My advice for pretty much anything that`s broken is "did you try and jiggle it?".
I`ve decided I`m not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I`m sorry.
Sorry, I can`t today ... My sister`s friend`s mother`s grandpa`s brother`s grandson`s cousin`s uncle`s fish died. Yes, it was tragic.
I believe in equality. If we have five days of work, then we should have five day weekends as well.
Lazy Rule 47: If you spill water, it will eventually dry.
Is beer cheaper on cyber monday?
A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
I quit my job and handed in my badge and gun to my boss, he said, why do you have a gun? You work at McDonald’s.
Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say "Give me the dumbest thing you can think of."
Yes... I repost. Isn`t that kinda the point? Spread the love and shit? Mostly shit... But that`s your fault...
So apparently airport security doesn`t like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane.
I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry basket.
The awkward moment when someone deletes their comment on facebook and you look like you’re talking to yourself.