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If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.
Some days your the bug; some days your the windshield.
Anything is possible when you have no clue what you`re talking about
I`m going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn`t matter... something`s gonna die tonight.
People that chew gum and drink alcohol what the f*ck is wrong with you.
After committing a crime, always carry a fire extinguisher. No one gets stopped while running with a fire extinguisher.
If its true we`re here to help others, then what exaclty are the others here for?
A psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
if truth is what u want...in return alcohol is all I want...
*during sex,I suddenly stop moving* Her: What are you doing? Me: SHHHHH It`s ok...I saw this on Pornhub, It`s called Buffering!
There is no logical reason why short pants should cost the same as long pants.
Why do single people take advice from other single people? That’s like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions
B!tches be trippin ... OK, maybe I pushed one.
WebMD auto dialed an ambulance when I entered my chicken nugget intake.