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Silence is Golden, except when coming from children… Then you’d better go check to see what’s broken.
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
I will straight up walk into traffic to avoid a kid selling something.
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin.. I don’t even know what that means but now I’m hungry.
There`s no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.
"Hello Kitty" should have been a brand of condoms...
I love it when the person’s laugh is funnier than the actual joke.
I just realized that the only time I`m good at dancing is when I`m about to pee my pants
I was planning to do something today, but I haven’t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
I hear lots of doctors are prescribing medical marijuana for arthritis. Given that arthritis is "inflammation of the joints", it`s fighting fire with fire!
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
All those years of getting horrible elementary school pictures was just society`s way of preparing you for your driver`s license photo.
The only hunger games i care about involve plastic hippos.
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.
Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate`s face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.