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It’s amazing how much more money I have when I’m drunk.
I want a firsthand test of the "mo money, mo problems" hypothesis.
2 out of 3 isn`t bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids.
When I think of you I touch myself ... On my temples ... You give me a migraine.
New College Admissions Test ______ not getting into this college: A. Your B. Ur C. You`re D. U`re
There`s a sense of great satisfaction when I`m the tie breaker between `Funny` and `Not Funny` status updates.
If you’re a size 0 we shouldn’t be able to see you.
All`s not lost my Friends. It won`t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods......
I’m not getting old. I’m becoming a classic.
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
The people who make medicine clearly have no idea what fruit tastes like
I never cry over spilt milk. But, beer? That sh!t`s totally different.
People don`t call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.
Hubby wanted to start the new year out with a bang - So I shot him..
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.