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How is it that when you are dead and a zombie you can rip open a man`s ribcage, but when you are alive you struggle with a bag of chips?
Why is it that the more annoying the tune, the harder it is to get it out of your head?
It is hard to imagine how people showed their anger before doors were invented.
I`m not really much of a plumber, but I have laid some pipe before.
No one ever said life was easy, but several people did say that you were.
I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept
If it doesn’t make you afraid to go to the bathroom the next day, it’s not really hot sauce.
When things get to stressful I hit the jim.......... Beam.
I’m tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
A cop just pulled me over and said papers - so I said scissors, I win and drove off.
When your feeling down, I will be there to feel you up. ;)
If I ever go missing and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at any gyms.
So I met an Egyptian ... they walk just like us.
Women and children first because men deserve a little quiet time before the ship sinks.
My "Kiss me, I`m Irish" shirt only seems to be working on my dog.