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You`d think the nerds on The Big Bang could fix that stupid elevator.
He turned to her, ran his hand up her thigh, across her belly and down her legs. When he turned back to watch TV, she asked "Why stop?" "I found the remote!" he replied.
If it rains on a dream catcher, does that make it a wet dream catcher?
I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn`t tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.
Hey Guys, I don’t have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water.
I hate when I forget my sunglasses and get caught staring at a woman`s boobs for 20 minutes.
If life was easy, we wouldn`t need alcohol.
Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
I try to live each day like it`s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
I have problems cleaning my house because I get distracted by all the fun things I find.
Serving size ?? LMAO
Stop picking on Justin Bieber. That`s somebody`s daughter.
Your 15 second video will start after this 30 min. commercial...
I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. I’m feeling pretty awesome!!