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Who is this "Moderation" they keep telling me to drink with?
Note To Self: Even if someone really needs it, strangling them is still illegal.
Just pour the coffee and back away slowly.
Marriage is like friends without benefits.
I`d be vegetarian ... if bacon grew on trees.
there`s a fine line between "cocky" and "confidence"...and it just so happens I have perfect balance!
It`s everyone`s favorite holiday season where we try to guess if that was a firework or gunshot
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a beer while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care..
and alcohol are now friends.
is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
Do you think Santa regrets giving all those bad kids coal now that global warming is threatening his home?
I`d like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher.
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
Thats it! I want to be re-inserted and I don`t want to remember a darn thing!
Those beards make the Red Sox look like they`re going to a Civil War reenactment as Confederates.