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I propose we change the names of the upper case P and lower case p to "P standing up" and "p sitting down."
I tried to log in on my ipad. Turns out it was an Etch-a-Sketch and I don`t own an ipad. Also, I`m out of vodka.
There’s a thin line between “I should do a status update about that” and “I should talk to a therapist about that”
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
If you`re stuck in a group text, one easy way to get out is to throw your phone in the ocean and start a new life.
F*ck It - My final thought before making decisions.
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
My credit card company called. They want me to leave home without it.
Some of the happiest years of a woman`s life are when she`s 29.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol at my house may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them,The police call it indecent exposure but whatever...
is sick and tired and tired of being sick and sick of being tired!
My wife must have some big surprise vacation planned. She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed.
Just ate a sleeve of crackers on my wife`s side of the bed.. I`ll let you know...
I have a "honk if you think I`m sexy" bumper sticker on my truck so that way on the way to work, if I`m not feeling to excited to be there, I sit at a green light until I feel better.