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Geez. I make one little mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
I have a confession to make. I was born with a rare disease called “Amazing.”
The only way you can be right in an argument with a woman is by admitting you`re wrong.
That person who waits to the last minute to change lanes and expects you to make room. NOT ON MY WATCH!
I love using my GPS, problem is I can`t find it.
Tonight`s good mood is sponsored by ... Beer!!
I don`t know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.
Monday must be a man ... It comes too quickly.
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?
I know exactly how a bomb technician feels when I try to open a cup of cherry mixed fruit without the juice spraying out.
If anyone is interested, I’ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 1:00 PM until I’m escorted out by security.
Adding “and sh!t” at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: “I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.”
I wish people`s voices actually sounded the way they do when their spouse or partner imitates them during an argument.
Ever notice how many friends you have when you pull out a pack of gum?