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That awkward moment when You accidentally hit the LIKE button During Facebook stalking.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements.
Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn, went to 2 Birthday parties, ran 6 miles, then told a bunch of lies on Facebook.
I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.
When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”. Problem solved.
Sticks and stones, break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact!
The difference between beer and your opinion is that I asked for a beer.
I like to keep bartenders on their toes by making up drinks on the spot. "Yeah, I`ll take a Dirty Hammock."
I honestly don’t care if you think I’m crazy. You’re just a figment of my imagination anyway.
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
One day id like to have a brand new Iphone like the lady in front of me with the food stamps.
I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That`s it. No more reading!
Black Friday at my house consist of pants 100% off
I bet all those girls that ignored me in high school would still be pretty pleased with that decision.