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The worst part about looking for a job is if you`re successful, you end up with a job.
The self-checkout line was a miracle for the condom industry.
I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.
Marriage. Because your sh!tty day doesn`t have to end at work.
It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Pokey, but I’ve turned myself around.
A sign on the wall of the drug store said, "Ask the pharmacist if you have questions." How would the pharmacist know if I have questions?
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they’re going to put you in one.
Humpty Dumpty was pushed I tell ya. PUSHED!!!!!!
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
Don`t call me names, you don`t know enough words to describe me
I probably shouldn’t have driven home from the bar last night ... Especially as I walked there in the first place.
Never take advice from people on the Internet. Not even this.
Apparently showing the pharmacist a picture of my wife was not a good enough reason to get Valium without a prescription.
Nothing good ever came from drinking things that are on fire.
All I want is a little more than I’ll ever get.