Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The human soul weights 1.2 lbs. I know this because I weighed myself before and after I got to work.
I wonder how many dads named their sons Luke just so they can say "Luke, I am your father."....
I’ve never considered myself much of a conspiracy theorist. Then I discovered the letters in Frito Lay could be rearranged to spell Oily Fart- Coincidence?… I think not!!!
I try not to be rude, but some people make it hard work.
My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.
That moment when you’re talking to yourself and you smile like an idiot, because you’re just so hilarious.
I like how flies rub their hands together like tiny criminals
In my defense, I was left un-supervised...
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it´s still on the list.
I wish they made barstools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
Sometimes my kid likes me, but I`m pretty sure it`s only because I`m his Oreo dealer.
Wait, carjacking doesn`t mean masturbating in my vehicle? Then no, I didn`t get arrested for carjacking.
A Relationship is like poker, if you don`t have a partner you better have a good hand.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problem 99% demons.
I thought we had nothing in common until I saw you buying 3 margaritas at a time.