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First fart at my new job.
WORST.... APOCALYPSE..... EVER.....
When it comes to bug protection, you just can`t beat "OFF!".
When my boss is in town, I set out pictures of kids on my desk. They aren`t my kids but he`d never fire a Mom of seven, right?
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m coming to your house with a facking baseball bat.
Someday we’ll look back on all this and pretend not to remember it.
As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.
Never cry over spilt milk. It could`ve been whiskey.
joined a nudist colony last week ... the first few days were the hardest!
If cleanliness is next to godliness, then my car is Satan`s chariot.
If you`re wondering why you`re single, date someone. You`ll remember
If my fridge had glass doors I would still stand there and hold the door open.
I`m sexy and I know it really is....... your slutty and you blow it.
Fun Game: Walk down a hallway with both arms outstretched to the walls while shouting, "Hug me or turn around!!!"
The new iPhone will have a finger print scanner. Or, in other words, Apple is about to amass the largest database of biometric data in the world. I’m sure the people of NSA are dancing like little school girls right now.