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"we can still be friend" .. is like saying "The dog died, but we can still keep him"
I`m all over that like a fat kid on a Smarty
Of course women dont fart. They never shut up long enough to build up pressure
If the NSA and IRS teamed up, I wouldn’t have to do my taxes.
I’m not going bald. I’m getting more head.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
Imagine how much faster Olympic sprinters could run if they saw their wives going through their phones at the finish line
I paid attention to the construction signs and got in the correct lane. You ignored them for miles and now you want me to let you in. Not gonna happen.
If someone tells you "it`s better than sex" they`re not doing the sex right.
She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we`re taking it slow now.
Hey guys with the super loud mufflers on their cars. I used to put a baseball card in my bicycle wheel spokes. I was 12.
Mom in poetic mood ....Asked me to express emptiness .... I showed her my wallet ........ n m cheek still burns .... :-p :-p
A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy. Sadly that part of me is a liar.
That moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto correct is like....`I`ve got nothing man.`
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.