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My dog acts like his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
sorry but your password must contain an "uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin"
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where the f*ck is my remote?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch dumbass."
Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?
“Too much milk left need more cereal” always leads to “too much cereal need more milk”
Reason number 347 why I hate Facebook: A guy from high school posted 11 new photos all with the caption "me"
I love updating my Facebook status while crossing the stre
I don`t hate you, it`s just, if you were on fire. I would roast marshmallows.
I`m no cactus expert, but I know a pr!ck when I see one
I think I have 10 inches of Global Warming on my driveway.
Did you know you can go to any gym without having to announce it on Facebook?
Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.
<-- Is my name! Isn`t it awesome!?