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I feel bad for kids nowadays who can`t get the toys they want because their parents have to be 18 or older to call.
Happy Saturday… the day you can put as much booze into your coffee as you’d like to put in on Monday.
It’s hard to get a lot done when you’re busy having a snack every 15 minutes
"mommy watch this!" is the toddler equivalent of "hold my beer and watch this"
"Cannot connect to network. Reset your wireless router." "Umm, okay, but what if my router is in my neighbour`s house? Should I call him?"
DRINK BEER SAVE WATER..www.godrunk.com
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
$5.99 Trojan condoms or $19.99 Huggies diapers. Choose wisely...
Waking up everyday seems a little excessive.
Alcohol doesn’t make you fat… it makes you Lean… on tables, chairs & random ugly people.
My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating so much.
Before coffee: Hates everybody. After coffee: Feels good about hating everybody.
Is food porn star a thing yet??
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.
Sometimes you just see a post and think, "Yup it`s your own fault."