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Showing cleavage doesn’t fix your face.
Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right
Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
I cant afford a Snuggie so I just wear my robe backwards...
How can I love nature when it did this to my hair?
I love Alfredo sauce ... Unless you`re a dude named Alfredo.
When your wife`s in labour, never sneak a look at the business end; it`s like watching your favourite pub burn down.
Am I supposed to bring condoms to a speed dating event? How fast do these things actually go?
My favorite part of the Bible is when God gives humans free will, then kills them with a flood because they didn`t act the way he wanted.
According to WebMD I have déjà vu... but not only that, I also have déjà vu according to WebMD.
Was up all night wondering, why do people compliment me for having all my sh!t together & yet still insult me for being full of it?
My weight loss goal is to not care about the crumbs at the bottom of a Pringles can.
There was no bonus fry at the bottom of the bag. But the story has a happy ending. I found it later in my sports bra.
Is your drama going to have an intermission soon? I need to pee.