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Smelling another person should be a choice. Just sayin’
How to find the perfect husband: Play monopoly with him. if he chooses the iron, he`s the one
I`m only a morning person on December 25th
My tricks aren`t for kids.
I have an irrational fear of speedbumps… but, I’m slowly getting over it.
My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I`m just glad to be involved.
Thank you Pringles for being the only chip company that doesn`t sell air.
An empty web browsing history is a sure sign of guilt.
I just found out that all the people who say "You haven`t changed a bit" have been lying to me. :)
Parenting is no different than a bear attack. Curl up and play dead and they usually leave you alone.
When children shy away, I say, "I don`t bite. Not hard anyway!" Then I laugh and bite them hard. They need to understand life`s not easy.
If I had spoken to my parents the way some children do now, I would not be here to share this status.
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?
A 5 year old asked me what marriage is like. So I gave him a chocolate bar and told him not to eat it.
I test drove a car last month. Apparently, you`re not supposed to keep the car for a month. At least that what this cop is telling me.