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Sorry I liked your status, I was cleaning my phone.
Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them.
I bet it’s pretty hard at a mime’s funeral to figure out when the moment of silence is over.
Strip search? ... Fine, but I`m going to need some background music.
? Single ? Taken ? Depends on who`s asking.
Where have you been all my life? Can you go back there?
I`m afraid if I start working out, I`ll be too sexy
I often ask myself "What`s wrong with me?" and the answer is ALWAYS "You can`t drink at work"
My boss told me "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have" Am now sat in a disciplinary meeting wearing my Batman costume
Indecisiveness is just mental constipation.
Just because I know I`m a "Good looking, extremely intelligent, funny as hell, sexy ass, Motherf#ker" doesn`t mean I`m "Conceited"...Im more like a "Realist", that just so happens to be very good with adjectives!...A "Bad-Ass Realist", that is!
I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry basket.
I have tonight off so if anyone’s free let’s go somewhere and look at our phones together.
Iam not as THINK as you DRUNK iam!!
Why do we call it the Sun instead of a space heater?