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She might be ugly now, but wait a few more drinks.
Where do homeless people find all these sharpies?
I bet more people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
I`m gonna open a bar and name it Rehab.....
When I hear someone say, "chicken pot pie," I get excited three times.
Good morning to some...Hello to others...And f*uck you to the rest!!
I fell asleep at the wheel smh, time to turn Mario Kart off and go to bed.
I won $20 by not playing the lottery last night!
If there’s one thing that having kids will teach you, it’s home repair.
I read a sad statistic that something like 2% of all sushi goes un-Instagrammed.
Serving sarcasm with a smile since 1984.
roses are red,violets are blue,god made me beautiful, what happen to you..
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)
If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not your true friends.
I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.