Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Based on the sounds coming from my neighbors house, they`re either having amazing sex or putting together a dresser from Ikea.
I may contain scenes of violence, nudity and foul language.
My girlfriend said that I should use the term `make love` instead of `f*ck.` What the make love is she talking about?
I hate hanging out with MC Hammer, he never let`s me touch anything.
Who else`s favorite Spring time game is "Guess how deep that pothole really is."
I did not trip...the floor looked like it needed a hug.
Ladies: Sometimes you just need to throw your arms up in the air and say, "Tie me up"
To do list- (1). Go to pet store. (2). Buy bird seeds. (3). Ask how long it will take for the birds to grow. (4). Wait for the reaction.
I read in a book somewhere that we only use 12% of our brains....I wonder what the other half is for?
Don`t be sad, laundry. Nobody is doing me either.
Everyone please stop doing crimes because sirens are too noisy.
I have finally conquered my annoying habit of repeatedly pressing the snooze button every morning by programming my alarm clock to play lullabies!
I can think of other ways to eat fresh, but I`ll settle for this subway sandwich.
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn`t stolen.