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I was gonna take over the world this morning but I overslept. Postponed ... Again.
My New Year’s resolution is to climb Mount Everest, learn 7 new languages, and stop lying.
Let’s get naughty and save Santa the trip.
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
There’s a very short list of things you can have in your hand while running without looking crazy.
Never make decisions when you are angry....or horny.
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or married.
OH I´m sorry! I didn´t realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.
If at first you don`t succeed, find out where she lives.
I`m so glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how long it takes me to understand what someone is saying.
I got rid of all the bad influence people in my life and now I`m bored.
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?
If there`s one thing I learned from my wife, it`s don`t get married!