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You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that. - Life.
No one sees you when you`re kind, no one sees you when you do a nice thing, but all will see on you when you fart.
I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
Helpful Tip: Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
Your things are terrific.
Good things come to those who wait. Better things come if you stop f*cking around and make sh!t happen.
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me all like, “Whoa! That was close!”
OMG this is Freaky! Have 8 beers & 3 shots, go to your phone the next day, press ‘Recently Dialed’ & the name of your crush will appear!
Got a new Juicer. Going to Juice all these delicious organic vegetables I got ... then add Vodka ... Don`t judge...
I wish the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial would ride his motorcycle through my town.
It’s not what you wear; it’s how you take it off.
I’d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!