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Oh you better not pout. You better not cry. You better not shout I`m telling you why. Nobody gives a f*ck.
They say swearing is due to limited vocabulary. I know thousands of words, but I still prefer`f*ck off` to `go away`.
All I`m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us. But, whatever, be that way.
If you use karate instead of a knife your wife won`t ask you to cut the vegetables anymore
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on? Asking for a friend.
I am the bestest at the English language...
That awkward moment when you`re telling the truth, but start laughing like crazy and everyone thinks you`re lying.
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
Deep down, we`re all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on.
Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
You know if you say gullible slowly it sounds like oranges :)
Don`t you wish it was as easy to adjust the brightness level on people as it is on your phone?
What if oxygen makes our voice really deep, and Helium just brings it back to normal?
You had me at 0 mutual friends
If I`m your emergency contact, for your sake, I hope that hospital sends texts too.